CHAPTER LIII

THE PIGG TESTIMONIAL

“Yis:—Resolved that James Pigg is evidently desarvin’ of a testimonial—is evidently desarvin’ of a testimonial,—yis—is evidently desarvin’ of a testimonial.” Such were the words that escaped the lanthorn jaws of friend James at the end of a long carouse at the sign of the Salmon in Handley Cross (beds 1s., breakfasts 1s. 6d., dinners with ale 2s. 6d.), where a sporting or perhaps gambling conversation had gradually turned into an enquiry as to the best means of raising the wind. Owen Sherry, the landlord, suggested one thing; Boltem, the billiard-table keeper, suggested another; Tom Taws, the schoolmaster, a third;—but at length it was unanimously agreed that there was nothing like a testimonial. It required no capital; fourpence for books, a penny for pens, and a like sum for ink, would cover the expenses of any amount they could gather. It only wanted a popular character to testimonialize, and where would they get such a man as Mr. Pigg? They would give it a start, so Duncan Nevin being, as the most respectable man, voted into the chair, it was moved and seconded—“That James Pigg was eminently deserving of a testimonial, and that a committee, consisting of the present party with power to add to their number, be appointed to carry the same into effect.”

And, after a glorious evening, James went hiccuping home, bumping against pillar and post, vociferating—“Resolved! resolved that James Pigg is evidently desarvin’ of a testimonial!—yis—evidently desarvin’ of a testimonial!” adding, as he nearly came over on his nose, “had up, ’ard boy, or ye’ll be brikin’ your knees. Sink! they dinna mak’ their streets hafe wide enough,” continued he, taking his bearings for another lamp post. Then, as he reached the top of Hill-street, he steadied himself awhile, and after shouting at the top of his voice, “Whativer ye de keep the tambourine a roulin’!” he gave such a series of shrieks and view holloas, as brought a night-capped head to almost every window in the street.

“What’s the matter!” demanded one.

“Police!” roared another.

“Thieves! fire! murder!” screeched a score.

“Sink ye! brandy and baccy ’ill gar a man live for iver!” hiccupped Pigg again; whereupon a fresh volley of yells arose, which Pigg seasoned with view holloas, who-hoops, and other hunting noises.

At length heads gradually withdrew, windows closed, and lights disappeared, and Pigg went lurching down the street, singing, “Sommer’s comin’ on, and ar shall roul i’ riches, and ar will buy mar fancy man a pair o’ leather breeches.”

When Porker, the policeman (No. 9), was making his round some half-hour after, he stumbled over Pigg, lying in the gutter in Duke-street, muttering, as the dirty water trickled under his nose, “Not another drop, I thank ye. No, not another drop.” Porker then got a shutter, and, aided by a comrade, shot Mr. Pigg down in Mr. Jorrocks’s back kitchen.

The next number of the “Paul Pry” newspaper contained a neatly worded paragraph, stating that their numerous readers would be glad to see by an advertisement in their first page that a subscription had been set on foot by certain influential parties, for the purpose of presenting Mr. Jorrocks’s excellent Highland huntsman with a becoming testimonial, which would afford all well-wishers of their unrivalled Spa, who did not partake of the exhilarating pastime of the chase, an opportunity of testifying their admiration of a man who contributed so much to the prosperity of the place; while the great “we” said he was sure all sportsmen would eagerly rush to do honour to one whose keenness was only equalled by his success.

The paragraph, which of course was paid for, concluded by saying, that in addition to Mr. Pigg’s eminent qualifications as a huntsman, he had a claim upon their sympathies, as a gentleman of ancient lineage, and the chief of his clan, who had been unjustly defrauded of his rightful inheritance, which was very considerable.

The following is a copy of the advertisement referred to, which occupied a conspicuous place in the paper, along with Holloway’s Pills, Dredge’s Heal-All, Cockle’s Antibilious, and similar stock announcements:—

“PROPOSED TESTIMONIAL TO MR. JAMES PIGG, HUNTSMAN TO THE HANDLEY CROSS (MR. JORROCKS’S) FOX-HOUNDS.

“Many of the sportsmen in the habit of hunting with this well-known and highly efficient pack having expressed a desire to present Mr. Pigg, their able huntsman, with a testimonial of respect, as well for his civility in the field as his general private worth, the following gentlemen have consented to act as a committee to receive subscriptions to effect that object, and they earnestly request the co-operation of all true lovers of the noble sport.

The committee having agreed to sup together twice a week out of the proceeds of the subscription, did not think it necessary to add to their number, and went to work vigorously, aided by the chieftain, who did not consider it derogatory to his dignity to canvas for subscriptions; on the contrary, he went about urging people to “be’ave ’andsome,” intimating to some that he would “ride o’er them,” or “jump a top on ’em” the first time he caught them down, if they didn’t.

Of course they went to our Master first, who did not take the sanguine view the gentlemen anticipated. Indeed, he threw cold water upon it altogether, and gave the deputation a good lecture on the “wice of insobriety, which he assured them was the root of all evil—adding that he had seen drinkin’ tried in warious lines of life, but had never seen it answer in any, and hinted that he thought his Pigg would be quite as well without the “’quaintance o’ certain gen’lmen in ’Andley Cross,” looking significantly at Blash and De Pledge as he spoke. Finding there was nothing to be got out of Mr. Jorrocks in the way of cash, they proceeded to coax him into being a decoy, by representing how injurious it would be to Pigg if his master didn’t appear to sanction the proceeding; and ultimately Mr. Jorrocks put his name down for a guinea, our Master paying the shilling, and making them mark him down “then and there,” as he said, as having paid the whole.

They then went to Captain Doleful, who, appalled at the amount Mr. Jorrocks had given, would fain have backed out of it altogether, on the plea of not being a fox-hunter! but the committee urging the same arguments upon him that they had upon Mr. Jorrocks, he at length consented to write himself down for a sovereign, on the assurance that it would “never be called for,” a delusion in which he indulged until a county-court summons enlightened him on the subject.

Testimonials, though nominally voluntary, being in reality almost compulsory—a non-subscriber being looked upon, if not in the light of an enemy, at all events not in that of a friend—money came flowing in from all quarters, especially from the townspeople, who did not like to be dunned face and face, taunted with being “shabby fellows,” and “no gentlemen,” as Pigg taunted them.

The country people were more difficult to move, and treated their circulars very small; some putting them in the fire, others lighting their cigars with them; and our active committee were obliged to issue a second circular, drawing attention to the fact of their not having been favoured with an answer to the first, saying, “what the party intended to give,” an ingenious device well worth the attention of the promoters of these nuisances.

They also inserted the following advertisement in the Handley Cross “Paul Pry”:—

TESTIMONIAL TO MR. PIGG.

“At a highly respectable and influential adjourned meeting of the friends of Mr. Pigg, held at Mr. Owen Sherry’s, the sign of the Salmon, in Handley Cross, it was resolved,—That the list be kept open for a fortnight, to enable the outlying members of the hunt and others to assist in honouring a gentleman who deserves so well at their hands, for his cheery affability and unremitting exertions in the noble cause of fox-hunting.”

And so, leaving the testimonial to the benefit of its fortnight’s grace, we will return to our notices of the pack.