CHAPTER XXXVIII

THE DUKE OF TERGIVERSATION

THOUGH the Duke of Tergiversation was still “young and curly” as Mr. Disraeli would say, yet his immediate predecessor, Duke Fortunatus Emanuel, had enjoyed such a prolonged reign that his Grace had nearly eaten out his life estate before he got possession, an inconvenient position for a nobleman of his Grace’s great spending abilities, with a son, the Earl of March-hare, now coming on, fully equal to his sire. The consequence was, that the Duke was a good deal importuned by parties wanting their little bills, while he on his part, importuned each successive minister for place or power, or something that would bring him in money. He was not at all scrupulous which side he claimed it from, being of the Walpolean creed that every man has his price, if not on his back, under his coat collar, in the lining of his hat, or somewhere about him. So he went on parrying and promising, but seldom or ever paying, it being, as we have already stated, Mr. Cucumber’s prerogative to shield his Grace from that disagreeable plebeian necessity. Now, however, Cucumber had to take the other side, and learning from Monsieur Millefleur that he had got his Grace up for the day, paper boots, satin tie, smart coat, and so on, he stole softly into his Grace’s luxurious dressing-room, with a well-assumed flurry that plainly bespoke mischief.

“What’s the matter?” asked the Duke who had seldom seen his fidus Achates so discomposed.

“Oh dear,” whispered Cucumber, “here’s that horrid boor of a banker come bothering about his pestilent balance.”

“O send him to the devil!” retorted the Duke kicking out his right leg as he spoke.

“Ah! but he’s in a very stiff mood,” replied Cucumber, “and doesn’t seem at all inclined to be put off.”

“Send him to Mr. Acreage! send him to Mr. Acreage! I can’t have all these base mechanics coming here!” exclaimed the Duke indignantly.

“Well, but he’s seen Mr. Acreage, and Mr. Acreage can do nothing for him,” replied Mr. Cucumber calmly.

“Send him to Mr. Docket then! send him to Mr. Docket! He can talk to him better than I can,” retorted the Duke.

“Ay, but he tells me that it is of the most vital importance that he should see you himself, that in fact (added Cucumber, sotto voce), the stability of his bank depends on his doing so.”

“Confound the stability of his bank,” muttered the Duke, “what have I to do with the stability of his bank? —honour enough that I take his nasty notes. They smell enough to make one sick!”

“Well; but if the bank stops,” whispered Mr. Cucumber, “it will only make matters worse, for the officious— I mean the official assignee will walk in, and people will all have to pay up their balances——”

“The deuce!” exclaimed the Duke, not liking that view of the matter.

“It will be so,” observed Mr. Cucumber, creeping up to his point.

“But is there any run upon the old crazy concern?” asked the Duke.

Mr. Cucumber. “Don’t know; but he evidently expects one, I should say.”

The Duke, after a pause. “Well, well; tell him if it will restore confidence I will drive up to the door in my carriage and four—four grays you know!”

“P’raps if your Grace was to see him and say so, it would come better from you than from me.”

“Rot the fellow! I hate the sight of him, and detest him afresh every time I see him,” replied the Duke frowning. “I don’t see why you can’t smooth him over. You’ve had as obstinate fellows to deal with as him.”

“True; only a bank, you see,” observed Mr. Cucumber, “is such a ticklish affair, that a man p’raps hardly likes to trust a third person like me.”

“Well; but surely the four grays will do something,” observed the Duke soothingly; “promise him out-riders too, if you like.”

Cucumber, however, still stood out. He wanted to get his cheque cashed, and thought obtaining the desired interview would be a step in that direction. So he pressed the Duke to see the poor man, observing that he could soon get him off his hands again—only to tell Garnett to announce somebody else, and so what with encouragements and alarms, he left the Duke much in the mood of a man about to take a black draught, and inveighing bitterly against the ingratitude of a man who could take his venison and then ask for his money.

Meanwhile Mr. Cucumber returned to our friend, and after magnifying the favour he had done him, and charging him not to let out that he had not seen Mr. Acreage, he passed him on to Mr. Garnett to conduct to his Grace.